标题:3DatingDealBreakers:HowtoKnowifHeorSheIsNottheOne source:huffingtonpost丨bySheridanKesselman 翻译请保留原文链接哦 欲翻译的小伙伴,可评论领稿,并把已完成的译文发在自己的心理圈or个人主页的日志内。请领稿的小伙伴,尽量在一个星期内完成翻译,谢谢!! Itsalwaysanexcitingfeelingtogetthatknotofanticipationinyourtummybeforeafirstdate。Partofthatisbecausetheresalwaysthechancethatthiswillbetheonethepersonyouvebeenwaitingfortoshareyourlife,tobeyourtruepartner。Partofitisthatmostpeopleseemtobeoptimisticaboutthefuturetheirfuture,whenitcomestolove。Anddatingisapreludetotruelove(atleastthatswhatthemoviestellus)。 2015092814434026096285102imgres1。jpg InaPsychologyTodayarticleposted31914,DealBreakersinDating,FredericNeuman,M。D。makesthepointthatwhatisadealbreakerforonepersonmaynotbethatbigadealforsomeoneelse。Maybehedoesntclosethetoothpastetube,andyoumakesureitsperfecteverytime。Isthisworthcastinghimaside?Probablynot。Maybehesnores,andyoucantsleepwithallthatnoise。Whilethisisarealproblem,therearethingsavailabletofixit。Hesreallyoutgoingandlovestopartyandyoudratherstayhomewithabookandyoudontusuallytalktostrangers。Thismightbeabitmoreofaproblem,butagain,therearewaystocompromiseandkeeptherelationship。 InanotherPsychologyTodayarticleposted53014,TheProsandConsofDatingDealBreakers,MarkWhite,Ph。D。tellsusthathethinksthatdealbreakersoftenpreventusfromevaluatingapersonoverall。Instead,wefocusononeoftwoflawsandtossoutsomeonewhootherwisemightbegreat。 BadRelationshipSignsinOprah。comhasanarticletitledDatingDealBreakers:8signsWeAllOverlook。Theauthor,psychologistTerriOrbuch,wroteabookcalled5SimpleStepstoTakeYourMarriageFromGoodtoGreat。WhileIdontagreewithallhereightsignsasbeingdealbreakers,Idoagreewithone。 Inmyover30yearsworkingasamarriageandfamilytherapistwithcouples,Ihavefoundthatifcouplesdontlistentoeachother,andreallyhearwhattheirpartnerissaying,itisapreludefordisaster。 Manymenwillhearawomancomplainaboutsomeproblemsheshaving,perhapsatwork,andratherthanshowingempathyforhowshesfeelingaboutit,theyjustwanttoquicklycomeupwithasolutiontofixit。Whilewellmeaning,thisisnothelpfulandnotagoodpatterntostartoffwithinarelationship。Ifaguyisdoingthisonthefirstfewdates,itsprobablynotgoingtogetbetter。 2015092814434026451352840imgres3。jpg Weallwantandneedtofeellistenedtoandourfeelingsunderstood。Makesureyouaregettingthateveninthefirstfewdates。 Onmylistofdealbreakers,asatherapist,numbertwowouldberespect。 Evenaftertwoorthreedates,ifyouarereallycommunicatingwitheachother,youshouldbeabletotellifyourebeingshownrespect。ThismighttaketheformofhertellingyouthatsheisfinewithyougoingtoabaseballgameonaSundayeventhoughtshedoesntlikethegame。MaybeyouareOKwithhergoingtoaMethodistchurcheventhoughyougotoaCatholicone。WhileIstronglybelieveyouneedtodiscussthesekindsofdifferencesverycarefullybeforecommittingcompletelytoeachother,itispossiblewithmutualrespecttohavedifferences。Thisgoesfordifferentvalues(aslongastheyrenottoogreat)andideas。 MyfinaldealbreakerformyclientsisAppreciation。IfIhadadollarforeverytimeamanorwomanhastoldmeheorshedoesntfeelappreciatedIwouldtrulybeveryrich。Nomatterhowterrificweare,andhowmuchwearetoldthatbycolleaguesoremployersorfriends,westillneedtohearitfromoursignificantother。Knowingthatthespecialpastriesyoubroughthomeforhimhavemadehimveryhappy,orthatpickingupthekidsfromsoccersoyoucouldgotothegymbecauseheknowshowimportantstayinginshapeistoyouarethekindsofbasicappreciationsthatkeeparelationshipconnectedandcanhelpgetamarriagethroughroughspots。 2015092814434027023702758imgres。jpg Sowhilecompromiseisreallyessentialifyouwanttohaveamarriagework,andyouneedtostartthatcompromisewhenyouredating,Ibelievetheabovethreedealbreakersaregoodreasonstoenditquicklyiftheyremissing。 Ofcourse,itgoeswithoutsayingthatanykindofabuse,physical,emotionalorpsychological,isreasontoendarelationshipimmediately。Atthefirstsignofabuse,stopitdeadinitstracks。MenandWomen,youdeservebetter!