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　　标题：HowSmartPeopleDealWithPeopleTheyDon’tLike
　　source：lifehack丨byDavidK。William
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　　Inaperfectworld，eachpersonweinteractwithwouldbenice，kind，considerate，mindful，generous，andmore。Theywouldgetourjokesandwewouldgettheir’s。Wewouldallthriveinaconvivialatmospherewherenoonewasevercross，upset，ormaligned。
　　However，wedon’tliveinaperfectworld。Somepeopledriveuscrazy，andwe（admittedly）driveafewmadaswell。Thosewedislikeareinconsiderate，rushed，malignourcharacter，questionourmotives，orjustdon’tgetourjokesatallbutexpectustolaughatalltheir’s。
　　Youmightwonderwhetheritispossibletobefairtosomeonewhorufflesyouallthetime，orsomeoneyou’dratheravoideatinglunchwith。Youmightwonderifyoushouldlearntolikeeverypersonyoumeet。
　　AccordingtoRobertSutton（aprofessorofmanagementscienceatStanfordUniversity），it’sneitherpossiblenorevenidealtobuildateamcomprisedentirelyofpeopleyou’dinvitetoabackyardbarbecue。
　　That’swhysmartpeoplemakethemostoutofpeopletheydon’tlike。Here’showtheydoit。
　　1。Theyacceptthattheyarenotgoingtolikeeveryone。
　　Sometimeswegetcaughtinthetrapofthinkingthatwearenicepeople。Wethinkthatwearegoingtolikeeveryoneweinteractwithevenwhenthat’snotgoingtohappen。It’sineviyouwillencounterdifficultpeoplewhoopposewhatyouthink。Smartpeopleknowthis。Theyalsorecognizethatconflictsordisagreementsarearesultofdifferencesinvalues。
　　Thatpersonyoudon’tlikeisnotintrinsicallyabadhuman。Thereasonyoudon’tgetalongisbecauseyouhavedifferentvalues，andthatdifferencecreatesjudgment。Onceyouacceptthatnoteveryonewilllikeyou，andyouwon’tlikeeveryonebecauseofadifferenceinvalues，therealizationcantaketheemotionoutofthesituation。Thatmayevenresultingettingalongbetterbyagreeingtodisagree。
　　2。Theybearwith（notignoreordismiss）thosetheydon’tlike。
　　Sure，youmaycringeathisconstantcriticism，grityourteethatherlousyjokes，orshakeyourheadatthewayhehoversaroundherallthetime，butfeelinglessthanaffectionatetosomeonemightnotbetheworstthing。Fromaperformancestandpoint，likingthepeopleyoumanagetoomuchisabiggerproblemthanlikingthemtoolittle，saysSutton。
　　Youneedpeoplewhohavedifferentpointsofviewandaren’tafraidtoargue，Suttonadds。Theyarethekindofpeoplewhostoptheorganizationfromdoingstupidthings。Itmaynotbeeasy，butbearwiththem。Itisoftenthosewhochallengeorprovokeusthatpromptustonewinsightsandhelppropelthegrouptosuccess。Remember，youarenotperfecteither，yetpeoplestilltolerateyou。
　　3。Theytreatthosetheydon’tlikewithcivility。
　　Whateveryourfeelingsareforsomeone，thatpersonwillbehighlyattunedtoyourattitudeandbehavior，andwilllikelyreflectitbacktoyou。Ifyouarerudetothem，theywilllikelythrowawayalldecorumandberudetoyoutoo。Theonus；therefore，isonyoutoremainfair，impartial，andcomposed。
　　Cultivatingadiplomaticpokerfaceisimportant。Youneedtobeabletocomeacrossasprofessionalandpositive，saysBenDattner，anorganizationalpsychologistandauthorofTheBlameGame。Thiswayyouwon’tstooptotheirlevelorbesuckedintoactingthewaytheydo。
　　4。Theychecktheirownexpectations。
　　It’snotuncommonforpeopletohaveunrealisticexpectationsaboutothers。Wemayexpectotherstoactexactlyaswewould，orsaythethingsthatwemightsayinacertainsituation。However，that’snotrealistic。Peoplehaveingrainedpersonalitytraitsthataregoingtolargelydeterminehowtheyreact，saysAlanA。Cavaiola，PhD（psychologyprofessoratMonmouthUniversityinWestLongBranch，NewJersey）。Expectingotherstodoasyouwoulddoissettingyourselfupfordisappointmentandfrustration。
　　Ifapersoncausesyoutofeelexactlythesamewayeverytime，adjustyourexpectationsappropriately。Thiswayyou’llbepsychologicallypreparedandtheirbehaviorwillnotcatchyoubysurprise。Smartpeopledothisallthetime。They’renotalwayssurprisedbyadislikableperson’sbehavior。
　　5。Theyturninwardsandfocusonthemselves。
　　Nomatterwhatyoutry，somepeoplecanstillreallygetunderourskin。It’simportantthatyoulearnhowtohandleyourfrustrationwhendealingwithsomeonewhoannoysyou。Insteadofthinkingabouthowirritatingthatpersonis，focusonwhyyouarereactingthewayyouare。Sometimeswhatwedon’tlikeinothersisfrequentlywhatwedon’tlikeinourselves。Besides，theydidn’tcreatethebutton，they’reonlypushingit。
　　Pinpointthetriggersthatmightbecomplicatingyourfeelings。Youmaythenbeabletoanticipate，soften，orevenalteryourreaction。Remember：it’seasiertochangeyourperceptions，attitude，andbehaviorthantoasksomeonetobeadifferentkindofperson。
　　6。Theypauseandtakeadeepbreath。
　　Somepersonalitycharacteristicsmayalwayssetyouoff，saysKathleenBartle（aCaliforniabasedconflictconsultant）。Maybeit’sthecolleaguewhoregularlymissesdeadlines，ortheguywhotellsoffcolorjokes。Takealookatwhatsetsyouoffandwho’spushingyourbuttons。Thatway，Bartlesays，youcanprepareforwhenithappensagain。
　　Accordingtoher，Ifyoucanpauseandgetagriponyouradrenalinepumpandgototheintellectualpartofyourbrain，you’llbebetterabletohaveaconversationandtoskipoverthejudgment。Adeepbreathandonebigstepbackcanalsohelptocalmyoudownandprotectyoufromoverreaction，therebyallowingyoutoproceedwithaslightlymoreopenmindandheart。
　　7。Theyvoicetheirownneeds。
　　Ifcertainpeopleconstantlytickyouoff，calmlyletthemknowthattheirmannerofbehaviororcommunicationstyleisaproblemforyou。AvoidaccusatorylanguageandinsteadtrytheWhenyou。。。Ifeel。。。formula。Forexample，Cacaiolaadvisesyoutotellthatperson，Whenyoucutmeoffinmeetings，Ifeellikeyoudon’tvaluemycontributions。Then，takeamomentandwaitfortheirresponse。
　　Youmayfindthattheotherpersondidn’trealizeyouweren’tfinishedspeaking，oryourcolleaguewassoexcitedaboutyourideathatsheenthusiasticallyjumpedintotheconversation。
　　8。Theyallowspacebetweenthem。
　　Ifallelsefails，smartpeopleallowspacebetweenthemselvesandthosetheydon’tlike。Excuseyourselfandgoonyourway。Ifatwork，movetoanotherroomorsitattheotherendoftheconference。Withabitofdistance，perspective，andempathy，youmaybeabletocomebackandinteractbothwiththosepeopleyoulikeandthoseyoudon’tlikeasifunfazed。
　　Ofcourse，everythingwouldbeeasierifwecouldwishpeoplewedon’tlikeaway。Toobadweallknowthat’snothowlifeworks。