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　　标题：HowtoCommunicate：GettingYourPartnertoHearWhatYouSay
　　source：psychcentral丨byAaronKarmin
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　　Itiscommontofeelunpreparedtocopewithmiscommunication。Whenwedon’tknowwhattodotopromoteeffectivecommunication，wehaveanunfortunatetendencytomakeupourowninterventions。ThisDIYapproachisusuallycounterproductiveandineffective。
　　Barrierstogoodcommunicationsarealwayspresent。Forinstance，thelanguageitselfcanbeabarrierunclearwording，slang，jargon，thetone。Anotherbarrieristhefailureofthesendertorealizethathisorherbodylanguagemightcontradictthespokenmessage。
　　Poorlisteningskillscanalsoconstituteabarrier。It’snoteasytolistenfully。Theenvironmentinterferes，alongwithunrelatedthoughtsaboutthespeakerandaboutdailylife。Perhapsthespeakerisdistractinglyattractive，orisn’tasarticulateasheorshemightbe，ormissesanimportantpointthatthelisteneriseagertomention。Eachofthosepossibilitiestakesthelistener’sattentionawayfromthespeaker’swords。
　　Effectivecommunicationoccurswhenyouractionsandwordsmatch。Thisrequiresanawarenessofyourfeelings，words，bodylanguage，andhowwecommunicatethemtoothers。Effectivecommunicatorstakeresponsibilityforbeingcertainthatothersunderstandwhattheyaresaying。Theyrecognizethatbarrierstogoodcommunicationsexistsotheyspeakinsimple，grammatical，andunderstandableterms。Herearesomesuggestionsonhowtocommunicatemoreeffectively：
　　Askquestions。
　　Ifthespeakerseemshesitantorstalled，askarelatedquestiontoencouragethemtocontinue。
　　What’stheworstpartaboutit？（repeat）
　　Howdoesthatmakeyoufeel？
　　Whathappenedtomakeyouso（insertfeeling）？
　　Whatisthethreat？
　　Whatwouldyoupreferinstead？
　　React
　　Goodcommunicatorspayattentiontothetoneofthewordsandthenonverbalcuesofthespeaker。Sometimes，thesethingsunderminetheactualmeaningsofthewordsthemselves。
　　Forinstance，someonemightbetellingyouthatheorsheisnotupset，butthetoneorthebodylanguagemighttellyouotherwise。Bemindfulofwhatyouaresayingwithyourtone，posture，handgestures，headpositioning，eyecontact，breathing，facialexpressionsandmovements。
　　Nodding，smiling，laughing，frowningandverbalizing（forexample，Iseeormmhmm）showthespeakerthatyou’retunedintotheirwords。
　　Paraphrase
　　Whenthespeakerhasfinishedspeaking，rephrasekeypointsofwhattheysaid。Forexample，Helpmeunderstand。Youaresayingisandthenmentionanimportantpointinyourownwords。Thepurposeofparaphrasingisnotsimplytoparrotbackwhatyourpartnerhassaid，buttocreatecommunicationanddialogue。Italsoimprovesremembering！
　　Youcannotlearnanythingfromothersifyoutrytodoallthetalking。Therefore，letspeakersfinishouttheirownsentences。Don’tinterruptthemtointerjectyourownthoughts。
　　AvoidstartingsentencewithYouandWhy：Thesestatementsputpeopleonthedefensive。ReplaceYouwithIfeel。andreplaceWhywithI’mconfused。Thesesuggestionsareassertivestatementsthatpromoteinsightintohowyouarereactingtoanother’sbehavior。
　　AvoidusingAlwaysandNever：Thesewordsarenotliteralfacts，butarefigurativeorfeelingwords。Theyleadthelistenertoarguethefactbypointingoutexceptions，ratherthenseekunderstandingforhowyoufeelbasedontheirpatternofbehavior。Rephrasethembysaying，ItfeellikeyoualwaysorItfeelslikeyounever