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　　标题：5WaystoProtectYourPersonalSpace
　　Whatsthebestwaytoprotectyourpersonalspace？
　　source：psychologytoday丨byF。DianeBarthL。C。S。W。
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　　Doyouworkinanopencubicle？Doessomeoneinanearbycubetalktooloudlyontheirphone，ortalktoyounonstop？
　　Areyou（ordoyouknow）acollegestudentwhocouldbeindangerofsexualboundaryviolations？
　　Doyouhavearoommate（orachildorsibling）whoborrowsyourclotheswithoutasking，andreturnsthemdamagedornotatall？
　　Doyouhaveaneighborwhoplaysloudmusiclateatnightormowsthelawnearlyinthemorning？Orwhosedogkeepsdiggingupyourflowergardenorusingyourfrontyardashistoilet？
　　Ifanyofthesesoundfamiliar，thenyou，likemany，manyotherpeopleallovertheworld，maybedealingwithaneedtoprotectyourpersonalspace。Whilesomeclearlyarefarmoreseriousthanothers，allissuesofpersonalspacearesignificant。Itseemstomethatconcernsaboutboundarycrossinghavebecomegreaterthanusual，maybepartlytodowithachangeinseasons，areturntoworkandschool，andalossofleisuretime。Butprotectingourpersonalspace，bothphysicalandemotional，isimportantatalltimes。Findingwaystobalanceconnectionandclosenesswithpersonalintegrityandclarityisoftendifficult，soIhavegatheredtipsfromavarietyofexpertsonthesubject。
　　Whatispersonalspace，andwhydoweneedit？
　　Dr。DaphneHoltandhercolleaguesatanumberofBostonmedicalcenters，personalspaceinvolvesakindofcomfortzonethathastodowiththedistancethatweeachliketomaintainduringbothphysicalandemotionalinteractionswithotherpeople。AccordingtoresearchconductedbyDr。Holtandhercolleagues，andreportedinintheJournalofNeuroscience，partoftheneuralresponsetohumanfacesmovingtowardsusintoourpersonalspaceinvolvestheactivationofaparticularneuralnetworktheparietalfrontalnetwork。Thereisadefineddistanceinwhichwearecomforwiththeapproachofastranger。Whenanunfamiliarfacepassesthatcomfortzone，theneuralsignalsbegintofire，creatingfeelingsofdiscomfort，irritabilityandanxiety。
　　AnotherstudyfromDr。MaraTeresaFrasandhercolleaguesattheUniversityofCaliforniaDavisshowsthatthereisacorrelationbetweenourabilitytoprotectourpersonalspaceandourattachmentneeds。Inparticular，Dr。Frasandhercolleaguesfoundthatwhenwefeelsecurelyconnectedtoothers，wearemorecomforsettingboundariesthanifwefeeleitherinsecurelyorambivalentlyattached。
　　Howcanthesestudieshelpyouprotectyourpersonalspace？
　　1。Identifyandacceptyourpersonalboundaryneeds：
　　Everyoneagrees：ifyoudon’tprotectyourpersonalspace，youaremorelikelytofeeldrained，fatiguedandselfcritical。Youmayoftenfeelhurtandangryforwhatseemslikeminorinfractionsfromothers。Andyourselfesteemwilldefinitelysuffer。Butinordertoprotectyourpersonalspace，youhavetoacceptthatit’sallrighttohaveit。
　　Weallhavedifferentresponsestothespacearoundus，basedonanumberofdifferentfactors，includingneuralactivities，attachmentsecurity，and，accordingtoyetanotherstudy，eventhewaysthatoureyestakeinmovementandactivitynearus。Youarenotbadforneedingmorespacethansomeoneelse；norareyouwrongifyouneedlessspace。Butineithercase，it’simportantforyoutoacknowledgeyourownneedswhenyouinteractwithothers。Trytoletthemknowwhatyouneedandwhy。
　　2。Bepolitebutfirm。
　　Iknowthissoundslikeacontradictioninterms，butitispossible。Sometimeswefailtoprotectourspacebecausewedon’twanttoseemrude，impolite，orunfriendly。Sometimeswemoveintosomeoneelse’sspacewithoutmeaningto。Butmanyboundaryviolationscanbeavoidedifwesetlimitsearlyon。Andyes，youcandoitwithoutbeingrude。Herearesomeideas：
　　Headoffadvanceswithyourbodylanguage，writesMeganKaplanofRealSimpleMagazine。Shesuggestsholdingoutyourhandforahandshakeratherthanwaitingforsomeonetogetcloseenoughforanuncomforhugorkiss。Mymother，arealsouthernlady，usedtoholdoutherlefthandtoanyonewhobegantomoveinforakissorahug。It’slessformalandmoreladylikethanahandshake，sheexplainedwhenIaskedaboutit。Evenifyoudon’tcareaboutbeingladylike，byholdingoutyourlefthand，yougivethepersonsomeskincontactwithoutseemingoverlyformal。Andatthesametimeyouprotectyourselffromunwantedhugsandkisses。
　　AccordingtoDarleneLanceratPsychCentral，There’sanarttosettingboundaries。Shesaysthatboundariessetinangerorinanaggingwayusuallydon’twork。Instead，shesuggests，boundariesaremosteffectivewhenyouspellthemoutclearly，calmlyandcourteously。
　　3。Startwithsomethingsmall
　　Ifyouhavetroublessayingnowhetherit’sbecauseyoudon’twanttoseemrude，ortohurtsomeone’sfeelings，orbecauseyoufeelguilty，orifyou’reworriedthattheotherpersonwillgetmadatyou，partoftheproblemismostlikelythatyouhaven’tlearnedtosetalimitandstickwithit。Aswithmostotherthingsinlife，smallstepswillgetyoutoyourgoal。（CheckoutmypostSmallStepsWillGetYoutoYourGoal）。
　　Trytostartsayingnoinsmallorminorsituations。Butwait。Thisdoesn’tmeanrandomlysayingnotoanything。Choosesomethingthatdoesn’tfeelparticularlyimportant，andsomeonewhoyoufeelrelativelysafewith。Forexampleatdinner，whenfacedwithafoodyoudon’tlike，politelysaynothanksanddon’ttakethefood。Ifit’sputonyourplateanyway，don’teatit。Quietlypushittotheside，oroffontoanotherplate，orifthere’snoothersolutionandyouareafraidthatyouwilleatit，pushitintoyournapkin。Ifafriendwantstomakeplanstogettogether，politelyaskforatimefifteenminutesearlierorlaterthanshesuggests（offeringadifferenttimeisanotherwayofsayingno）。
　　TayyabBabarsaysTochangeyourways，youmustalwaysstartsmallandinthisscenariopicksomethingminortosaynoto。Thiswillgiveyouthenecessaryconfidenceboosttoshowyouthatpeoplecanmanagewithoutyouandthattheywillnotholditagainstyou。
　　4。Knowwhatyoumeanwhenyousayyes
　　Practicetellingotherpeoplewhatyouwantwhetherit’stowatchacertainprogramontelevisionortoeatatacertainrestaurant。Thatmakesiteasiertosaynowhenyoudon’twantsomething。
　　TayyabBabarwrites，Ifyouknowwhatyouwanttosayyestoitbecomeseasiertosayno。
　　MeganKaplansaysacombinationofhumorandclearacknowledgmentofwhatyouwantcanprotectyoufromavarietyofintrusionsfromstrangerspattingyourpregnantbellytodinnercompanionssharingyourdessert。
　　5。Stopfeelingguilty
　　Manyofusstrugglewithboundaryviolationsbecauseweareafraidwewillbeseenasunkindorselfishifwedon’tgivesomeoneelsewhattheywant。Buttrytorememberthatyouhaveasmuchofarighttohavethingsthewayyouwantastheytohavethemtheirway。Andifthatdoesn’twork，thenthinkaboutitthiswayifyoudon’tletsomeoneintrudeonyourboundaries，you’resavingthemfromfeelingbadlylater！
　　Andwhathappenswhenyousetaboundaryandtheotherpersondoesn’trespectit？
　　Ifyourclear，firmbutcourteouslimitsettingdoesn’twork，CelestineChuafromLifehacksuggestsgivingthepersonagentlereminder。Iftheystillignoreyourboundaries，it’stimetopushback。Don’tworryaboutbeingrudeorimpolite。That’showtheotherpersonisbeingtoyou。Justletthemknowthatyouaredone。
　　Asalways，I’dliketohearhowyouhavedealtwithprotectingyourownpersonalspace。Pleasefeelfreetoleaveacommenthereortocontactmethroughmywebpageathttp：www。dianebarth。net（linkisexternal）。